Top 5 Rooms in the House, in No Particular Order

  1. The Kitchen – Even though the rooms featured on this list are in no way ranked, the kitchen is probably the MVP. You just can’t beat the kitchen. There’s a bowl on the counter that always has bananas in it, and bananas are great for your health. Plus, there’s a calendar on the fridge that reminds me what I have to do every day. This is the table where we eat dinner. I sit right here, across from my mom, between my dad and my older brother. The kitchen is awesome.

  2. The Family Room – The family room is great, too. It’s unfair to compare it to the kitchen, though, as each room is completely different and unique. For example, there are no bananas in the family room, but there is an excellent brown leather couch. You just sink right into it. I got grounded for doing flips onto it, but I still do it when no one’s around. The family room also differs from the kitchen in that you’re not allowed to have any food or beverages out here. Once upon a time we could, but now we’re not because one time I accidentally knocked over a glass of grape juice. My mom got the stain out of the carpet, but it’s still a whole thing.

  3. The Upstairs Bathroom – The upstairs bathroom is really the main bathroom for residents of the house, whereas the downstairs bathroom is more for company. Actually, I’ve said too much. I shouldn’t even be showing you the upstairs bathroom. You’re a stranger. You shouldn’t even be up here with shoes on.

  4. My Brother’s Room – Real quick, though, before we go back downstairs, I want you to take a look at my brother’s room. He would kill me for showing you his room. Observe the “KEEP OUT” sign on the door. But, if we just push the door open and peek without going in, then technically we’re keeping out. Do you see that Cindy Crawford poster on the wall? That’s not her real signature. He forged it. Isn’t that hilarious? Oh, and look at that old fashioned gumball machine over there. It’s so cool. He’s allowed to have a TV in his room, but I’m not old enough yet.

  5. The Downstairs Bathroom – This is probably the nicest room in the house. Look at that sink. Look at that soap! It has a bow on it! If you lift the lids off those bowls, there are mints in one and individually wrapped Ferrero Rocher in the other. My mom keeps count of the Rocher, but help yourself. I’m gonna take a Rocher for myself, and my mom will think it was you. I’m not allowed to touch anything up there on that shelf, but I know there are scented matches, a jar of potpourri, and a bottle of Chanel Coco Mademoiselle. Go nuts. I’ll be in the kitchen.